You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
