U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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