fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
