it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
