if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
