his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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