I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
