Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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