you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
They are going to name an STD after you.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
