Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I think I am morally bankrupt
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
