So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
