I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
