New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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