I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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