I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
