I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
