Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
