In the future we'll all be gay
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
