So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
