i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
