my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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