i barfeds in our rink
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize