I just made out with a guy for $7.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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