How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
