My hand turned me down
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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