Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
why is half of my head shaved?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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