Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
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I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
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Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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