i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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