I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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