have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
