And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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