you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
