Sorry, I don't speak sober.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
