saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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