i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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