last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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