so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
