About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
