I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
