I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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