Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
