i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
