You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
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Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
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I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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