we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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