I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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