I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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