when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
