So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
