Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
