Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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