goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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