Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
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creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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