I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
