I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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