absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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