**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
