My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
