I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
