Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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