i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
