I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
