"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You are a genius and a whore.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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